赤誠追尋神

On 17 May 2004, I woke up at around 3:00am.
Peace surrounded me and a question came to my mind "So what kind of reward you would like to receive?"
I know the question is referring to the article I wrote on 9 May (做俾人睇).
It seems that Father was asking me "If now I give you all the rewards you've accumulated so far, what do you want?"

The question is straight forward and I've never thought about it.
If you know Daddy's heart, you'll know His heart is actually very compassionate and generous to His beloved child.
I recalled tests and situations I've passed through that means much to me and I know, to Him also. No. It's not difficult at all to touch His heart, to move Him.
At that quiet moment, I felt that whatever I ask Him, He will grant.

Though never thought about this question, I come up with the answer almost immediately.
The fact is -- if you do have a strongest desire, it shouldn't take long to locate it.

I quickly wrote my wish in my diary.
"我定意在我生命中追尋神的同在！
Become absolutely one and share the same MISSION with Christ.
Only this can satisfy me!"

It is wonderful beyond description to understand what your heart is craving and know that it will be satisfied. I soon slept soundly.
In the next morning, I don't feel anything special when I got up. As part of my weekday life - washing face, changing clothes, I got myself ready and gripped a book from the bookshelf before I left.

我的救主，深恩至真
我的救主，我的親愛良人
我今要快跑，要跟你腳蹤
讓心與靈被吸引

心洗去灰塵，甜蜜像溫馨的愛情
現我常感到，上帝深恩
觸摸我傷痕，存情義跟我常親近
讓我被吸引，共你兩心印！

今早我把這首詩歌抄在一本舊筆記本上，填上chord，拿著吉他自彈自唱，臉上充滿甜蜜的笑容。
放下吉他後，我巧合翻到筆記本的某一頁，一看，是99年11月底做的一段主日筆記：

摩西詩篇283

信仰最好去跑呢條路的方法，就係好似雅歌所講你同神有呢段感情。
連事奉的頂峰，都唔係你所期望，你所期望就係同神有一段感情，你係滿意同甜蜜。

事奉唔會跌倒的秘密就係：你根本唔係為左私慾。
如果你親近神，聽神的聲音就係為左教會大，你跟從神就係為左某一個目的，我想問下你，當個樣野達到之後你會唔會再禱告神，跟從神？

現在開設這個＜Chapter ５尋找角色＞，真是有點難度．正如要描述和分析＜Chapter３磨鍊與成長＞那段時期的經歷，現在（０４年）會比在第一代CJC（０１年）時容易得多．因為當時自己也在摸索時期，許多事情為什麼這樣發生，或神想我學甚麼，我也只有個模糊的概念，見步行步．直至數年後走過那個階段再回看，許多事情的前因後果，神的作事原則等等就變得十分清晰．

不過，哈哈，我也不知道這個"尋找角色"要尋到幾時才尋完．如果你不嫌陪伴我逐步摸索，我邀請你和我一起展開這個歷程，見證神每一天的恩典帶領，也希望能夠在某方面祝福你！