昨天早上在家中,雖然不住禱告、宣告、默想神的話,為恩賜運作最後預備,但神的同在並不是特別強烈,令我不禁有點納悶。聚會前兩小時,忽然接到一個消息,放下電話後,自我懷疑開始向我發動猛烈攻勢:

是不是我預備得不好,導致一次一次的延期或攔阻?
過去那種種,會不會只是我單方面、一廂情願的想像,
會不會...
神你其實不喜悅我?

在一陣混亂下,我能想到的,只有拿起吉他。
這詩歌湧現:

What can I offer unto You
Who made the world and all things new
And knew my name before time began
What can I give to You who reigns
Who owes no debt to anything
All I have Lord is my praise

淚如雨下,隨著每句歌詞,我從內心深處向神發出呼聲:

我的一切得失、名譽,都不重要;
縱然只是我一廂情願,
我仍然,我只想你知道...

你配得我一切的敬拜。


神用祂微小的聲音安慰我:

我對你的看法,我們之間的關係,是這麼多年來,每天、每次,從數不盡的片段、回憶中建立,不會因你一時的感覺、一時的錯誤而改變。你不要因一點點外在環境,懷疑我對你的愛。

我向神禱告,我若在祂眼前蒙悅納,求祂在這聚會中,用祂的同在確認我;
但我也告訴祂,無論最終結局如何,我都不會懷疑祂對我的愛。

結果,神給我的確認,遠超過我所想所求。



You gave me life. You gave me breath
You guide my way with tenderness
I know You've claimed me as Your own
If I'm known to heaven but not by man
Still You know my heart and who I am

I come with nothing more but praise

I will worship You in spirit and in truth
For by Your righteousness and grace
You've brought me through
I will worship You with all that's in my soul
Until my last breath
The time You call me home

I will not forget You gave Your life
So yet I will praise You
I will worship You

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