赤誠追尋神

翻譯自 Kathryn Kuhlman
Roberts Liardon

我要分享一些真正重要的事情。我相信，神從來沒有給我甚麼特別的東西。神從來沒有給我任何東西，是祂不會給其他人的——只要那人肯付代價。對神來說，我並不是特別的一個。祂給我的每件東西，祂都同樣願意給你。

但願我能夠對你說，那代價是便宜的。今時今日，人人都想檢便宜；可是，神那邊並沒有便宜貨。年青人哪，要是我告訴你這一切都是廉價的，那我就是在說謊。你看到我走在台上，看到那迷人的一面；那確實是令人嚮往的！但你只看到那榮耀的一面，你就只看到這些。

有一次一位記者問我：「你怎樣為這樣一個事奉作準備呢﹖」我回答說：「先生，我每時每刻都在準備。」

今時今日，人人都想要得些甚麼，卻不肯付代價。你不付代價，就不會得到甚麼。任何事物都有一個代價，就視乎你最想要的是甚麼。面對事實吧！這一代就是不肯面對事實。然而，說到屬靈的事，那可是世界上最要緊的事啊！你可得面對事實的真相啊。

每當我走到台上去，我就明白大衛說：「不要從我身上收回的聖靈」是甚麼意思。

也許我比這兒任何人都更清楚大衛的意思和感受。我不懼怕撒但，因為我可以用主耶穌用過的武器對付牠：「經上記著說… …」。我可以面對撒但。我也可以面對地獄一切的污靈，用主耶穌用過的武器對付牠們。我不怕人。我只怕令聖靈憂傷，只怕恩膏會離我而去。

昨天這場內成千上萬的人只看到那些神蹟，看到那榮耀，但他們當中只有很少數人看得到神蹟發生前所付上的代價。神可以拿走我的一切，可以奪去我的一切，只給我留下蔽體的衣服和腳上的鞋子。縱或只有麵包清水讓我糊口，我仍然願意出去。所以，神啊！幫助我。如果要我到街角上去傳揚的道，我願意去，但千萬不要從我身上收回的聖靈。

要是我知道聖靈感到憂傷，要是我知道聖靈要離我而去，我就絕不會再走到台上。我絕不會假裝甚麼，但就在那一刻，我將會成為世上一個最普通的人，再沒有甚麼會發生了。我可以說同樣的話，做同樣的事，但那秘密的能力卻在於聖靈。

你會問：「你怎麼知道呢﹖你怎麼知道有人得了醫治﹖怎麼知道呢﹖」

你知道，這是屬靈的事，用人的辭彙來表達非常困難，得用一套屬靈的辭彙才行。我怎樣才能向你說清楚呢﹖只有聖靈能夠給你屬天的啟示，只有聖靈能夠讓你明白，「降服」和「自我死去」的境地，是世上最難達到的。我告訴你，這真的不容易。「自我死去」是世上最難的事，然而，你可以進到一處完全沒有自我，唯獨只有祂的境地。

我不能利用聖靈，我做不到。這器皿只能讓聖靈去使用。要知道，你可以擁有世上最了不起的才幹，但若不是給聖靈使用，就不能為神成就甚麼。「萬軍之耶和華說，不是倚靠勢力，不是倚靠才能，乃是倚靠我的靈」(和合本聖經撒迦利亞書四章六節)。這時你就完完全全的死了。

你會問：「你怎麼能做到的﹖」

我無法告訴你。我也不知道。我只知道，凱撒琳庫爾曼已經死了。你想知道這事工的秘訣嗎﹖那就是：凱撒琳庫爾曼已經死了。我們講論主耶穌的死，但那是祂的十字架；朋友，那是祂的。聖經說，背著你的十字架，跟從祂(馬太福音十章三十八節)。

我有一個十字架，是我要在上面死去的。親愛的啊，有一個十字架！主耶穌常常提到祂的十字架。當祂的身體被人釘在那個十字架的時候，那是祂的十字架，不是我的，也不是你的，是祂的。

十字架是死的記號。我們不喜歡提到死亡，可我們都得面對死亡。按自然來說，或遲或早，我們都得面對死亡：每個人都要面對，不管你喜歡與否。但此刻我所說的，是對私慾的死。

這世代是個自私的世代。人們都自私，這是他們自己從未察覺的。從來沒有人承認自己是個自私的人。

我可以隨便拿起一份報紙，看上面關於凱撒琳庫爾曼的任何報導，也可以看有關的電視廣播，但那一切跟我是毫無相干的。我沒有把那些跟我自己扯上任何關係。我可以今天就離開這個事奉，卻仍能說：「啊！神不是很奇妙麼﹖」聖靈不是值得尊榮麼﹖而神是我的審判主，我實在無法把這個事奉和凱撒琳庫爾曼扯上任何關係。凱撒琳庫爾曼老早就死了。

我不知道你是否明白。我不知道。我只能告訴你，祂會收納你獻上給祂的，但絕對不會強迫你。祂絕對不會強迫你，絕對不會。如果你正在等待祂強迫你去過順服的生活，那祂可不會那樣做，絕對不會。這是你無法從書本上學會的。

也許你通曉所有的神學理論，但我所說的並不止是找到世上最優秀的老師：不止如此，是啊！不止如此。那不止是比其他人得著更多的好處，也不止是熱心行善。那是一些讓你感到痛的東西。

讓我問你一個問題：在你的生命中，你最想得到甚麼﹖

這是要去面對的。面對事實，面對自我。面對面的，看清楚你自己。也許你並不渴想得到我所說的那些，也許那根本就不是你想要的。也許在你的生命中，還有其他你更想要、你認為更值得擁有的東西。
然而，我若不是擁有一切我所擁有的，我跟本就不能存活下去，也跟本不想存活下去。

若沒有了保羅所說的那份團契關係，那份與聖靈的相交，我就不能存活，絕對不能。其他一切都是虛空，其他一切都不重要。但也許你並不想要這些。也許你並不想要神為你預備那上好的。也許，有些東西對你更重要；可是啊！只要你品嚐過那經歷… …

我生來就沒有才幹，完全沒有。或許正因為這個原故，我可以輕易說：「拿這甚麼都沒有去使用吧。」

對一些人來說，要死在十字架上也許比較困難。可是，十字架就在那兒。你前面就有一個十字架——你自己的十字架，人人沒都有例外。你要對它怎樣﹖當你面對那十字架的時候，記住：重要的只是你最想要的是甚麼。

我不能替你作決定。我已經作了我自己的決定，也為我所作的感到高興。或許，現在看來你會覺得實在太難，因為那代價是昂貴的；但究竟你最想要的是甚麼﹖這正是問題所在。其他一切都是至暫至短的，但我所說的卻恆久永存。

你看，我們常常在唱：「我願獻奉… …我願降服… …」，唱到幾乎變成陳腔濫調了。有時，我們行諸多的禮儀，甚至連自己都麻木了。死去，認認真真的。死去，死去。但我們就是不喜歡提到死亡，不喜歡面對死亡。

神要為你做甚麼﹖你知道得實在太少了，實在太少了。神要為你做甚麼﹖你知道得實在太少——除非，你願意放下一切。跟你自己說吧：「我在我的十字架上死。」再說一遍：「我在我的十字架上死。」

說呀：「窮盡世上一切，我還要把所有的都獻給。」你是認真的麼﹖是認真的麼﹖真的窮盡整個世上的一切麼﹖是的，其他一切都不重要，都不重要。

祂不要成為次選，祂不要。我敢說，真的，祂不要成為次選，祂不要成為次選。你無法叫祂妥協，祂也絕對不會妥協。

I want to share something that's virtually important. I do not believe that God has given me something special. God has not given to me one thing that He'll not give to anyone, if you'll pay the price. I'm not special to Him. He'll give to you absolutely everything that He has given to me.

I would like to tell you the price is cheap. Everybody's out for a bargain these days, but God has no bargains. Young people, I would lie to you if I were to tell you that it comes cheap. You see me walk on there on the stage, and all you see is the glamour of it. And it looks so glamorous. All you see is the glory of it. That's all you see.

A reporter said to me the other day, "What do you do to prepare for a service like this" and I said, "Sir, I stay prepared."

Everybody these days want something for nothing. You don't get something for nothing. There's a price, and it depends on what you want most. Just face facts. This generation doesn't want to face facts. But when you're dealing with the spiritual, it's the most important thing in the world, and you've got to face the truth.

When I walk out on that stage, I know what David meant when he said, “Take not thy Holy Spirit from me.”

I probably know better than anyone else in this place what he meant and how he felt. I'm not afraid of Satan. I can use the same weapon on Satan that Jesus used: “It is written.” I can face Satan. I can face all the demons of hell and use the same weapon on them that Jesus did. I fear no man. But I fear lest I grieve the Holy Spirit, lest this anointing shall leave.

Yesterday the thousands in this arena only saw the miracles, and they saw the glory, but very few of them could see the price that was paid before those miracles took place. He can take everything that I've got. He can strip me of everything I've got, leaving me but the clothing to cover my body, leaving me with the shoes on my feet, and I'm willing to go out there and live on bread and water the rest of my life, so help me God. I'll preach if I have to preach it from the street corner, but take not thy Holy Spirit from me!

If I knew the Holy Spirit was grieved, it I knew the Holy Ghost would depart from me, I would never again walk out on this stage. I would never make a pretense of things, but in that hour, I would be the most ordinary person that ever lived, and nothing would happen. I could say the same words, go through the same from, do the same things, but the secret power is the Holy Ghost.

You say, “How do you know? How do you know when somebody is healed? How do you know?”

You see, these things are spiritual. It's very hard to express them in the human vocabulary. There is a spiritual vocabulary. How can I say it to you? Only the Holy Spirit can give you divine revelation. Only He can give you the understanding that a place of yieldedness and death to self is the hardest thing in the world to reach. I'm telling you it isn't easy. Death to self is the hardest thing in the world, but you can get to the place where it's none of self, but all of Him.

I cannot use the Holy Spirit. I can't do it. The Holy Spirit must use the vessel. Understand something. You can have the greatest talent in the world, but it will never accomplish anything for God unless the Holy Ghost uses it. “Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the Lord of hosts” (Zech. 4:6 KJV). And you become so completely dead.

You say “How can you get that way?”

I can't tell you. I don't know. I only know that Kathryn Kuhlman died. You want to know the secret of this ministry? Kathryn Kuhlman died. We talk about the death of Jesus. That was His cross, my friend. That was his cross. And the Word says to take up your cross and follow Him (Matt. 10:38).

I've got a cross that I've got to die on. Beloved, there's a cross. Jesus talked much about His cross. That was His cross when they nailed that body on that cross, that was not mine. It was not yours. That was His.

A cross is the symbol of death. We don't like to talk about death, but we've got to face that. Sooner or later, in the natural, we have to face death – everyone – whether you like it or not. I'm talking this moment about death to selfishness.

This is a selfish generation. It is a selfish age. People are selfish. That's one thing people never recognize in themselves. No one has ever been known to confess that he was a selfish person.

I can pick up a newspaper and read anything about Kathryn Kuhlman. I can watch the telecasts. I'm not associated with them whatsoever. I do not associate that with myself. I can leave this service today and say, “Oh, isn't God wonderful?” Wasn't it glorious of the Holy Spirit, and God is my judge, in no way could I associate that service with Kathryn Kuhlman. Kathryn Kuhlman died a long time ago.

I don't know whether you understand or not. I don't know. All I can tell you is that He'll take what you yield unto Him. He'll never force you. He'll never force you – ever. If you're waiting for Him to force you to a life of yieldedness, He'll never do it. Never. And it's something you can't get out of books.

You may know all the mechanics so far as theology is concerned. But it's something more that having the best teachers in the world. It's more. It's more. It's something more than having greater advantages than any person living. It's more than good deeds. It's something that hurts.

I'll ask one question: What do you want most in life?

That has to come face. Face facts. Face yourself. Look yourself directly in the face. Maybe you don't desire what I've been talking about. Maybe that isn't you desire at all. Maybe it isn't. There are other things in life that you want more, that you feel are more desirable.

But I couldn't live if I had anything less than I have. I wouldn't want to live. That fellowship that Paul was talking about, that communion with the Holy Spirit, I couldn't live without it. I couldn't. Everything else is so worthless. Nothing else really matters, but maybe you don't want it. Maybe you don't want the best that God has for you. Maybe there are other things that are more important to you, but oh, when once you've experienced it.

I was born without talent, nothing. That's the reason probably it was easy for me to say, “Take nothing, and use it.”

For some of you, it may be a little harder to die on that cross. That cross is there. Without exception, you're faced with a cross – your cross. What are you going to do about it? When you face that cross, remember: It's what you want most.

I can't make that decision for you. I made your own decision. And I'm glad that I made it. It may look so hard to you just now. It costs much, but what do you want most? That's the question. Anything else is temporary, but what I'm talking about is eternal.

So often, you know, we sing, “I surrender,” until it has almost become a clich. Sometimes we go to so much ceremony that it doesn't mean a thing. Death serious. Death, Death. We don't like to say it or face death.

Little do you know what God will do for you, little do you know. Little do you know what God will do for you, if you'll only surrender. Say to yourself, “I die on my cross.” Say it again: “I die on my cross.”

Say, “More than anything else in the world, I surrender everything to you.” Do you really mean it? Do you really mean it? More than anything else in the whole world? Nothing else matters. Nothing else matters.

He won't take second place. He refuses. He will not take second place, I promise you. I promise you. He will not take second place. You can't compromise with Him. He won't accept a compromise.